Planning ahead and daydreaming are some of life’s wonderful gifts. They allow us to consider and visualise our future possibilities. However, as wonderful as daydreams are, they can also set up false expectations.
When daydreams create expectations
I remember a family holiday I planned a couple of years ago. My husband and I had been stressed out with work and I was greatly anticipating the activities I’d carefully planned for the family to connect. I dreamed about whale watching tours, playing on the beach and going on nature walks.
Only the reality was quite different. After months of drought, heavy rain descended for the entire week of our holidays. I was bitterly disappointed. All of my carefully made plans were no longer suitable.
After a day or two I noticed that while I was feeling disappointment, my son and husband weren’t. In fact, they were relaxed and joyful. They didn’t care that it was raining. They were spending time together, bonding, enjoying our wet weather activities.
It dawned on me that I was not having a good time because while planning our short holiday, I had set up a host of expectations in my own mind about how the holiday should go. So when the reality didn’t meet my expectations, I had closed myself off to the enjoyment of current possibilities.
Danger of holding expectations
When we have attachments to the daydreams of what may be, there is a danger they will turn into expectations of what should be.
This can be troublesome, because when our reality doesn’t live up to our expectations, we can feel disappointment. We might even feel like we’ve failed. Only we haven’t. Our expectations were never real in the first place.
If possible, try to walk into all eagerly anticipated events and life experiences – whether that be a new job, your wedding, having a baby, a holiday – with an open mind. Leave any beliefs or expectations you have set for the experience at the door.
Mantra for letting go
I’d like to share with you a mantra that I have since developed especially for letting go of expectations:
‘It will be what it will be and I’ll meet it from a place of love.’
Being open to experiences and lovingly allowing whatever happens to flow, will be of immense value. It will allow you to be open to possibilities and not fixated on a particular outcome. Therefore, you’ll be less likely to bring disappointment into the equation.
Most importantly, being open to whatever situation comes your way will make you powerful and present to enjoy the little moments for what they are. And guess what? It’s the sum of all those cherished little moments – often the unexpected ones – that make for a fulfilling life.
What expectations are you holding that you can let go of today?
Cherie Pasion is an author, mother and founder of Connected Mama. She lives up to her name and is deeply passionate about the transformative journey women take when they become mothers. Her book It’s Your Birth…Right? helps professional women emotionally manage the change from being a professional to being a mother.
Cherie runs programs focused on proactive emotional preparation for their motherhood transition centred on her Connection Compass – allowing women to form rich connections with themselves, their baby, their partner and community as well as nature.